You know those times in your life where the second something starts you instantly regret doing said thing. Well enter Jupiter Ascending.
So is it any good?
God no.
The Wachowski Brothers Siblings brought us The Matrix. Now if they had just left it there they would have some serious cred in my books. But no they had to go ahead and make 2 terrible sequels. However they brought a billion dollar franchise to Warner Bros, so in the mind of movie execs that’s the golden key to the city. They can make what ever they please and no one will make a scene. Now the Wachowski Siblings have been taking sweet advantage of that right and since then been releasing some turds likes Cloud Atlas and Speed Racer. Next in line is Jupiter Ascending.
Where do I start. Imagine a script, now imagine that same script with poo smeared all over it. That would be the plot of Jupiter Ascending. Mila Kunis is a reincarnated Queen of a distant planet. The alien race of this planet believe they can own other planets and whatever they hold to do with whatever they will. Obviously Mila Kunis owns Earth. However her children from her previous life become aware of her reincarnation and send numerous bounty hunters after her to kill her and take Earth. Enter Channing Tatum a wolf hybrid sent to protect her. They travel the galaxy defending off bounty hunters and god who cares.
Visually this thing is stunning but that’s all it has going for it. Jupiter Ascending is 3 sequences of Mila Kunis being kidnapped, rescued, tricked and kidnapped again. It’s as if they wrote a 30 minute movie and rehashed the same plot lines 3 times. But it’s not only Jupiter Ascending ripping off itself, it rips off basically every Sci-Fi movie of the past decade and tries to call it original. for example Tatum’s character sports the same Super Mario’s jump boots from the Mario movie and whacks some ice skating aspect to it and hopes that no one would notice.
If there is literally anything else on at the cinemas this weekend go see it.