Nobody Knows What’s Going On In The First Trailer For ‘The Mummy’

Universal Pictures has just dropped the first trailer to The Mummy starring Tom Cruise and Russell Crowe.

Here’s the official synopsis:

Tom Cruise headlines a spectacular, all-new cinematic version of the legend that has fascinated cultures all over the world since the dawn of civilisation: The Mummy. 

Thought safely entombed in a tomb deep beneath the unforgiving desert, an ancient princess (Sofia Boutella of Kingsman: The Secret Service and Star Trek Beyond) whose destiny was unjustly taken from her is awakened in our current day, bringing with her malevolence grown over millennia and terrors that defy human comprehension.   

From the sweeping sands of the Middle East through hidden labyrinths under modern-day London, The Mummy brings a surprising intensity and balance of wonder and thrills in an imaginative new take that ushers in a new world of gods and monsters. 

I’m getting a huge feeling of Mission Impossible and Indiana Jones here.

Can we just talk about how weirdly cut this trailer is? I mean goddamn, one of the first shots in the thing is two militia staring at what would seem the main character. Then the next shot isn’t of the main character, it’s a supporting character that is sitting left of the militia. But not only that the two militia that were previously awake and staring, are now asleep or dead. screen-shot-2016-12-05-at-1-40-15-pm screen-shot-2016-12-05-at-1-40-27-pmThis is the first sign of this trailer being fucking bonkers. Tom Cruise then does what can only be called the Grape Lady scream only to have replicated twice in the audio. None of the trailer really make much sense past that. Is Cruise immortal? Why is he dancing around in a bus? Who the hell is Russell Crowe? I mean I know it’s a teaser trailer but give me something!screen-shot-2016-12-06-at-2-35-03-pmTHE MUMMY opens in Australia in 2017