Until last week, I had never seen Pulp Fiction.

By virtue of the fact that when I was growing up I wasn’t allowed to watch anything above a PG rating, I missed out on a lot of the “pop culture classics.” 

But all that is going to change starting now (well last week if you want to fact check me).

2017, as Kylie Jenner still attests, is the year of realising things. I’ve realised that I’m a 26 year old woman who can watch whatever she hecking chooses and nobody, not even the deep seated lurking catholic guilt that I’m doing something naughty, can stop me.

So here goes my newbie take on Pulp Fiction.

Highschool Musical: Cooked On Drugs Edition

What’s not to love about a slightly off kilter, All-American diner setting to make a pass at romantic tension with a dash of Steve Buscemi (which had me squealing like the disgusting fan-girl that I am) and a big ol’ whiff of nose candy.

Personally, I love my drug addicts to indulge in a spontaneous dance off with the pretence of extending sexual tension but just boogie-ing itself into a really ridiculous corner. For the recor, corners are where I feel safest cause no one can sneak up on you. Corners are great.

I don’t believe that John Travolta could dance that badly without having been taught the ways of the middle aged dad at a wedding.

Proud.

Watch Yourself

Holy shit Bruce Willis’ Butch Coolidge needs to see a psychologist. I’m worried that his wife is going to end up really dead. Think about it. He knowingly skips out on a notoriously murderous gangster, has a really long conversation with a sexy cab driver who most definitely could have been tracked down by said gangster henchmen for information, and also almost kills his wife over a watch. If the watch meant that much to you man, WHY DIDN’T YOU TAKE IT YOU FLITTY TIT SANDWICH!?

This whole scene had me screaming “GET UP AND LEAVE WOMAN” and also “If a dude treated me like that I would not stay his adoring little lamby chop”, but then also everyone thinks that while it’s not happening to them and also this is a movie and I should probably just chill out about how annoying and destructive this relationship is to me. Also Bruce Willis know where your shit is at!

Obligatory Quentin Tarantino Cameo: N-word Edition

Quentin Tarantino is a great director, nothing revolutionary here, but god damn why is he given a free pass to say the N word with jackhammer frequency.  I pulled this face every time he said it.

Is There A Doctor In The House? No? Oh OK. Cool

Can I take a moment to talk about how NO police pull over Travolta while driving Mia Wallace (Uma Thurman) covered in vomit and blood, across town in a convertible? If I am ever on my way out for whatever reason, can I put this scene here as a reference for how not to inject adrenaline right into someone’s (my) heart? Also I pity whoever has to clean that carpet ’cause those blood stains will neeeeever come out.

A Bit of Rape

Once I got past the emotional distress of watching someone plunge a huge-ass needle into Uma Therman’s chest without checking where her ribs were, I thought I was OK to breathe out for a bit.

I WAS VERY VERY WRONG.

The Deus-Ex-Machina of Pulp Fiction had me scrunching up my face so much that it turned into the tissue paper that comes in a new pair of shoes.

Just when you think there’s no way out of any of this, the myriad of complex relationships, dead bodies, money thieved from Marsellus Wallace (Ving Rames), Tarantino throws in a psycho hill-billy rapist to bring your antagonist (Wallis) and protagonist (Coolidge/Willis) to the same level.

You wanna clean slate from a gangster you’ve done wrong? Just get kidnapped with him and figure out a way to kill the kidnapper while they’re in the middle of raping him.

My thoughts?

Finally

I understand why my parents didn’t let me see this movie.

Obviously this film is a masterpiece and a pop culture icon etc, but if we could have less women ending up almost dead and/or in life threatening situations because of the men in their life that’d be AWESOME.

Don’t @ me. x

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