A New ‘Fifty Shades Darker’ Trailer Has Arrived To Excite Housewives Everywhere

Run tell your mommas, there’s a new Fifty Shades Darker trailer! Universal has given the horny masses what they want, and apparently it’s more teasing pseudo-masochistic softcore wankery.

Check it out for yourself above. Warning – you may see partial nudity and writhing, so much writhing.

The “plot” as it were follows the events of Fifty Shades of Grey, as Anastasia Steele (Dakota Johnson) tries to move on from her relationship with Christian Grey (Jamie Dornan). A wounded Christian convinces her to resume their romance under Ana’s conditions. As the couple begins their normal relationship, Christian’s past threatens to tear the couple apart.

Based on the glorified fan-fiction by E.L. James, whose husband Niall Leonard wrote the “screenplay”, Fifty Shades Darker seems to focus less on the kinky stuff and more on the emotion of Anastasia and Christian’s relationship. Blah. So, basically they’ve removed anything that made the first instalment vaguely interesting. But they’ve added creepy stalkers and guns… so that’s something I guess.They’ve managed to keep poor Johnson and Dornan to their three-picture deals, and seem to have also roped in Kim Basinger to this hot mess as well. I guess a gal’s gotta work.

As you can probably tell, I’m not really a fan of the book or the film series, but I’m definitely not the intended audience. If you’re hungry for more Grey, you’re probably counting down the days until it’s (and your) release.

FIFTY SHADES DARKER whips audiences into a frenzy February 9.